SELECTED REFORM RESPONSA
Now there is the third question: Since a contribution was made to the congregation(a number of years ago) to put these names on the regular Qaddish list, and since the congregation had accepted this specific contribution, can it now undo this memorial and cancel it and remove the names? A related question was asked of me by Rabbi William Braude of Providence. It was with regard to a memorial window. Someone wanted to pay money to have its dedication changed. This could not be permitted. Once the gift has been accepted by the congregation, no donor has any authority over it. The conclusion to the question asked about the memorial window applies here:"Once the gift has been received by the congregation, the donor has no more rights over it." Of course, the congregation, has more rights in the matter than the original donor, but even if the congregation itself wanted to change the memorial donation from one purpose to another, the law is full of many restrictions as to just which changes they can make. There is no need to go into this complicated question.
From all the above, we come to the following conclusions:
First, there is nothing wrong with a Gentile being permanently memorialized in the Qaddish list. Secondly, the husband- while
justly sensitive to memorializing his first wife in the presence of his second wife- has no right to deprive his children of the privilege of memorializing their mother, grandparents, and other close relatives. Finally, once a gift has been received by the ggregauel, 5 Is virtually impossible for an individual to have it changed, and ere are considerable restrictions as to the right of the congregation itself.