Selected Reform Responsa 175

JEWISH ATTITUDE TOWARD SEXUAL RELATIONS BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS (1979)

QUESTION: What is the Jewish attitude toward hetero-sexual relations between two consenting adult single individuals?(CCAR Committee on Family Life)

ANSWER: The tenor of halachic literature, from the Talmud to the present, is against casual sexual relationships. Some extreme statements were made. For example, Reish Lakish has stated that even one who sins with his eyes may be an adulterer(Lev. Rabbah 23); but -this did not become normative. This kind of attitude, however, led to, or was a function of, the segregation of men and women. A man was not to walk behind a woman; men and women were separated on festive occasions and in public parks(Yad, Hil. Yom Tov 6.21); and separate days for men and women were even set aside for visiting cemeteries. The attitude which governed such restrictions may be shown through a Talmudic passage concerning an individual who became physically ill over his desire for a certain woman. His physicians stated that he should have intercourse with her, and the rabbi said: No, let him rather die. Finally, they suggested that the woman speak to the man, and the rabbi said: No, let him rather die. This was their feeling, although the woman in the tale was not married (San. 75a).

There was, of course, some conflict over these kinds of restrictions, and so we have a statement that Rabban Gamliel offered an exclamation of thanksgiving upon seeing a beautiful non-Jewish woman(A.Z. 20a,b; Yer. A.Z. 40a). Yet, on the same page we also have statements such as the following: One should refrain from looking at the little finger of a woman to whom one was not married. This statement is of interest even though it presumably was addressed to married men.