176 Selected Reform Responsa

All of this led to a good many later restrictions; for example, not touching any woman other than one's wife, not even another adult relative; not reclining to rest, even when fully dressed, or permitting personal services of any kind(e.g., washing, delousing, etc.) to be performed by a woman for a man(Adret, Responsa 1, 1188; Shulhan Arukh, Even Ha-ezer 21); not conversing much with women(Ned. 20a). This, of course, led to great difficulties with the customary handshake of the western world(S'deh Hemed, Hatan Vekhalah 26a). Certainly, no affection was to be shown to any strange woman, and no kissing was allowed(Sh.4., Even Ha-ezer 21.6). We can be quite sure from this that in especially puritanical periods any relationship between the sexes was severely restricted, and every effort was made to keep men and women apart, even within the family circle.

This isolation led to tension and suspicion of illicit sexual relationships whenever men and women were alone together. A young man was supposed to be chaperoned after age nine, and a girl upon reaching the age of three(J. Kid. 66b). Even a divorced couple was not permitted to meet again privately or live in the same neighborhood; it was assumed that they would have sexual relations (Git . 8la; Ket. 27b, 28a; Yad, Hil. Isurei Bi-a 21.27; Arukh Hashulhan, Even Ha-ezer 119.25-28). The same assumption was made for spice peddlers who visited homes(B.K. 82a). This was permitted by a decree of Ezra, against the wishes of the townspeople, so that women could obtain perfume(B.B. 22a). It was generally assumed that all people constantly sought for sexual relations and had sinful thoughts(B.B. 164b; A.Z. 20b). In other words, the sexual drive is not only considered constant, but in many ways dominant. This was also illustrated by the statement that males who had not gotten married by the age of twenty would be plagued by immoral thoughts for the rest of their lives(Kid. 29b; Yad, Hil. Ishut 15.2). Unmarried women faced restrictions too numerous to be listed here.

None of these restrictive statements was entirely effective,